“Oh hellooo Perry the Platypus, I was wondering when you’d show up.”
“~~//~/~~~//?”
“Oh, no, sorry, I was just distracted by the people who showed up before you.”
“//~~/!?”
“Yeah, they had guns and everything, I thought that was weird.”
(Camera pans to show some serious looking men in black suits entirely entangled in metal cables, struggling fruitlessly)
(Perry walks over)
“~~//~//~”
(A silence.)
“What?”
(Perry blinks)
“~//~/?~/?”
“I don’t speak platypus, it’s-
”-I mean, yeah, never learned how to-“
”-even know they had a language until I was 30.“
“Wh- Oh come on,” says Doofenshmirtz, “Really? I mean- Really!? It’s the third most spoken language in America!”
(Uncomfortable shuffling)
“HHhhh. Alright, I’ll translate.”
“//~//~/…”
“Perry is a member of the OWCA…”
(Perry flashes a badge as proof)
“~~~//~…”
“And I’m a low-mid tier supervillain (well that just sounds kind of hurtful)”
“//~/~.”
“Which means it’s his responsibility to stop my evil plans.”
“~~//~.”
“Which also means this could be an interorganizational incident if we don’t handle this politely.”
“…You know, that’s a lot of words for a few seconds of chittering.”
“It’s not chittering; it’s Platypus, and it’s a very compact language!”
“…Fine. We’ll… report back that this is OWCA business, and… Well. I guess we’re not really going anywhere until then.”
“Yeah… I guess I could use you as hostages in the meantime.”
“//~//~~/?”
“No, you’re right, they probably do have homes to get back to.”
(The metal cables twist, and the men are suddenly free, flopped onto the ground.)
“The exit’s on the ground floor, I can walk you out if you like.”
“No- No, that’s fine. We’ll leave.”
(They shuffle awkwardly out of the room.)
…
“You know, I probably should have told them there’s an elevator… I should go tell them there’s an elevator.”
“//~//?”
“Yyyeah, they’ll probably figure it out. Anyway, where were we?”
“~~~//~/”
“Yeah, that’s fair. Tell you what, five minute break, and then we start it over.”
“//~/”
“Yeah I’ll be in here.”
(Perry walks over to the window he swung in through, grabs onto the grappling hook that’s still hanging loose through it, and climbs back out)
(Doofenshmirtz watches him go)
…
“Oh, I should clean up. Honestly, he wasn’t even supposed to see the cable trap.”
